


How fast can we sink?

by junebugtwin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Burn Wounds, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Physical Abuse, Unreliable Narrator, and also fourteen and deeply traumatized, azula is an asshole, azula repressing all of her feelings, love that those are tags, she was abused too!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27708589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junebugtwin/pseuds/junebugtwin
Summary: Zuko makes mistakes. He makes lots of mistakes actually. His entire existence is a mistake really, but that’s beside the point. Zuko does something wrong, he trips, and stumbles, and says the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time- because he is impulsive, and stupid, and far too weak-hearted.So Zuko is punished. Because those are the rules- it’s just how it works, fighting against it- against their father or the Fire Nation- it’s like fighting the current of the merciless sea, swallowing waves as you protest how unfair it is that it should be you to drown. The ocean does not care, and it cannot be reasoned with.If Azula made the same mistakes she would not be punished as harshly- she would not be burned in public, on such a humiliating place, open for all onlookers to see and scorn. She would not be banished. Sent on some air-headed test that only a moron with no critical thinking skills would dare believe was sincere.Though it’s hard to say really, seeing as she hasn’t so much as left a single hair out of place since she was seven.
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	How fast can we sink?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm such a sucker for these two's messed up relationship. You can tell that once upon a time they might have been friends, that they might even love each other- but both are so warped and torn apart from their fathers abuse, that they never really get a chance to mend that relationship. I've always head-cannoned Azula as the type of person who, when in a good mood, with no reason to actively dislike her brother, will occasionally do nice-ish things for him. Like when she warned him about seeing Iroh in jail, or talked him out of moping around in their beach house, swallowed by his memories. I even think the whole 'Yes Zuko Totally Killed The Avatar' thing was an attempt to start him on the right foot. If he was lying to her, and he did think the Avatar might be alive, but didn't tell her or anyone else, then he was being disloyal and it was fine for him to get punished, but if the Avatar really was dead, then she was helping him along with no skin off her nose. I dunno, I just think she's a really fascinating and complex character, and just sort of wrote this because I love her lol.
> 
> I'm also of the opinion that while her father was much less severe with his punishments and physical abuse towards her, it definitely still happened, like, Ozai does not strike me as the type who cares just that much about Azula's mental, physical, or emotional health. I think in a way we see a lot of their family dynamics from Zuko's perspective, where since Azula is perfect she never has to try, and she never fails, and she never gets hurt. But that seems honestly pretty unrealistic- understandable, considering his situation, but not particularly un-biased. (also I love Zuko, so though Azula's pretty brutal about him, I don't necessarily share her beliefs lol)

The world is made up of rules. Thousands upon thousands of intricate laws and regulations and criteria for what you can and cannot do. When the wind blows the grass shifts, when the heart stops life ceases, a rabbit is prey to a wolf. The rules are not bendable, though some people foolishly assume they are, because they think exceptions are a flaw in the system rather than an integral part. It might be true that what is fact for one person might not be for another, but that is simply the fault of the onlooker for assuming both people even play the same game, never mind the same rule set.

Zuko makes mistakes. He makes _lots_ of mistakes actually. His entire existence is a mistake really, but that’s beside the point. Zuko does something wrong, he trips, and stumbles, and says the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time- because he is impulsive, and stupid, and far too weak-hearted.

So Zuko is punished. Because those are the _rules_ \- it’s just how it works, fighting against it- against their father or the Fire Nation- it’s like fighting the current of the merciless sea, swallowing waves as you protest how _unfair_ it is that it should be you to drown. The ocean does not care, and it cannot be reasoned with.

If Azula made the same mistakes she would not be punished as harshly- she would not be burned in public, on such a humiliating place, open for all onlookers to see and scorn. She would not be _banished_. Sent on some air-headed test that only a _moron_ with no critical thinking skills would dare believe was sincere.

Though it’s hard to say really, seeing as she hasn’t so much as left a single hair out of place since she was seven. She supposes a weaker soul would say it’s exhausting, to be so perfect all the time, to never stray, or cough, or flinch- perhaps it was challenging, when she was younger, when her mother cared enough to try to warp her mind with lies and blatant shows of weakness. Luckily that problem was solved for her long ago, and she never had to even try to dissuade dear old Uncle from spouting his nonsense at her- he never even attempted to ‘help’ her, presumably knowing a lost cause when he saw one.

But honestly, even Zuko could make an attempt at decency, if he ever cared to try. Oh, he _claimed_ to be putting in an effort, practically screamed with ever frustrated look and pouting frown that he was trying-trying, so hard- ‘ _and wasn’t that good enough?_ ’

And, really, it wasn’t! Because he didn’t use his brain! Because he was too used to being coddled by mother- to have her wipe ever single tear from his eyes, to bandage every wound and cry over every little burn or bruise.

Oh sure, he _trained_ \- but he only trained when he _had_ to! He never showed _initiative_ , never woke with the sun and sweat out in the courtyard until he was shaking and his own fire turned on him out of exhaustion- never asked the various generals and warriors around the palace for tips or impromptu lessons, bowing and scraping and manipulating, keeping up with the blows and hits from much more experienced fighters. He never bandaged his own wounds, alone in his room, biting through the spine of his books to silence the screams caught in his throat, never held his head high and walked and smiled and charmed, hurt and sore and bloody just under his clothing. And even when he couldn’t quite manage to keep up a pleasant mask of perfection, he never learned how to hide in-between conversations, how to take seconds alone in a hallway, how to time her father’s movements, the turn of his head, his blinks- just so he could breath and fidget and squint.

Really- in some ways she understands she’s being unfair, expecting the same things from him- rabbit all the way through, prey to be eaten bloody and raw under the maw of petty wolves- never mind glorious dragons- and not to mention, if she ever had to pity him, it would be mostly because of mother.

She understood the silly woman thought she was helping him by babying him- but honestly, all she really did was shoot him in the foot and leave him to bleed out. She cared for him and sung to him, had tea with him, encouraged his petty hobbies, praised him for his mediocre talents- and then left. What did she suppose would happen? He’d snap out of her brainwashing in a day? At that point, father simply had no patience left for him, (understandably) , and uncle- who wasn’t much better than mother, but at least had _some_ sense of decorum knocking around in that skull of his- was far, far away. There were no adults to take him aside and show him how foolish he was being, no one on his side after his mother had pushed him into burning all his bridges.

And Azula herself- well, first of all, it was a pretty sorry state when her older brother needed her to come rescue him- not that she had really expected any different but- but well. Being perfect is sort of a full time job. She doesn’t stray, or slip up- not _ever_ , not anymore. Unlike Zuko she only has to be burned once to have a lesson sink in. She simply didn’t have any room for a deadweight failure to cling at her coattails. It was only her loyalty to him as his sister, and the few pleasant memories she had of him as small children, that had her ever attempting to help him at _all_.

Yes, though her idiotic brother might paint her as some stone-blooded villain she wasn’t exactly immune to his pitiful crying and wailing, though Agni willing, she would be soon. Occasionally she’d slip in a bit of wisdom for him, a nudge in the right direction. Correct his form under the guise of mocking him, tease him with a warning, and hurt him to stop him from being hurt much worse. She doubts he ever noticed, being the somewhat blunt and (charitably) stubborn, individual he was- once something hurt him he never seemed to recover- as if that was how relationships worked- or the world for that matter. If she was her Uncle she’d say that the same sun that blisters and burns brings growth and warmth, but she’s not, so she won’t.

Not to mention all the little white lies she’s told her father for him over the years- only insignificant things, little details she could easily say slipped her mind, nothing that would damn her or even make her go out of her way- but still, it wasn’t every day one just _lied_ to the _Fire Lord_. And even she would face mighty repercussions for such an offence- such that the love tap of burns on her thigh would pale in comparison.

But Zuko doesn’t understand the rules, thinks he can bend them at his will, thinks that just because things are uneven and unfair and hard he can just complain and get his way.

In a way, the banishment might truly be good for him, give him time to actually see what was right in front of him the whole time.

Or maybe he’d just jump ship and go live in some quaint little Earth Nation village picking carrots all day. At least that way he’d find some happiness she supposed, so far out of the light of perfection. Allowed to simply be _Zuko_.

Azula examines her nails, and thinks, how truly awful. (to be alone with yourself)


End file.
